In the blink of an eye...

'Life can change in a blink of an eye', what a cliché, we've all heard this saying. It sure is a cliché and is always set aside as one. For it to become a cliché, though, it has to be pretty true doesn't it? Enough people have had to have experienced this 'blink of an eye' change for this saying to even exist... You'd think a house falling on my car and smashing my spinal cord, leaving me paralyzed would have been that defining moment, making this saying true, but it wasn't quite that. Yes, my world did change, my life was flipped around, but I have nothing but to live on.
Just the other day I had been given this weight, this heaviness that lingered with me throughout the day and still seems to be in the air. A family friend, a boy who I ran around with in elementary school passed away. The doctors had no diagnosis, all they knew was that it was degenerative... I hadn't seen Christopher for years as I traveled around the world for my dad's job, but when he passed away, he had lost the ability to speak, to eat or to do anything for himself, but his mind was all there. This boy who was just as any other child, playing without a care in the world, slowly had everything taken from him; he had to watch his body slowly deteriorate. He passed away the other night for no known reason. I met with hid mother, sister and grandmother, they spoke of how they had planned all the years ahead, how his mom and dad were prepared to care for him until they were in their 70s, how they were planning to meet with specialists that might be able to help... All of that vanished... Everything they had worked around is now gone. I couldn't help but feel this sorrow. I could feel their emptiness, I could feel christopher's pain. There were no words of consolation I could offer. Instead I left with a portable ramp that Christopher had been using that they no longer needed.
When my accident first happened, I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, I couldn't speak and relied on everyone for everything. I couldn't communicate my needs, I couldn't communicate my gratitude, which was probably one of the more painful things. I was totally coherent but couldn't express myself, which was a main source of frustration. But I have slowly regained things, I am on the path towards recovery. I cannot even imagine going in the opposite direction. Christopher, I hope that now you are free from your suffering... You lived good, now rest. Rest in peace, Christopher Hwang.
I kept catching myself planning or trying to decide based on things that had not happened. You can't plan everything. You can't plan most things, definitely not things 30years down the line. Anything can happen. I was planning to be at a four year college by now, my goal is to become independent again, something I hadn't even considered the possibility of losing. 'oh no, My mom might move back to japan next year', me walking could be just as likely. What I'm trying to say is, you never know, so just go with it. You can plan all you like, but things always change. How about this, you can have an IDEA of what you might like, but always being open to something different. The future is never going to be exactly what you like because you're thinking, now of how it has to be. NOW is the only thing you can be sure of, so enjoy it.
'if you haven't haven't found happiness on the way, you won't find it at the end'
LOVE.JULIA.