ah ha.

So, for once I thought I should write a follow up. I noticed I’m not too good at that hehe. Well, for now, there’s no dog. My mother didn't speak to me for a couple days unless she wanted me to do something; this ends up pretty awkward as we can’t totally avoid each other’s spaces since I require quite...intimate help. I was totally confused, why is she the angry one when I’M the one being denied what I am asking for. I could have stayed stubborn and continued the silence game, but I chose a different route, compassion. I bought her a bouquet of sunflowers and apologized. I apologized? Well, I didn't do anything wrong, I’m the victim right? Wrong. It’s neither right nor wrong, actually. Here’s how I figure; her feelings are valid, regardless of rationale. That fact that she feels pressured or like the dog is going to be a whole ton of stress is real. Although she’s just created pictures in her head, she doesn't feel good inside. I accepted that the dog was out of the question and pushing it further would have only lessened the likelihood further. Things have returned to its usual peace and the topic of the dog was brought up my mom herself and she saw my point of view. We’ve come to the agreement that the dog will come when we move to a house, which we are in the process of searching for. Sure I didn't get exactly what I wanted but I minimized the time of misery by simply thinking about her feelings and ended with a reasonable compromise.

So we don't always get our way but another person’s feelings are just as real as your own, even if they are different. What a concept, huh? ;) I could have continued our battle but how can I expect her to understand me when I’m not trying to do the same for her? I tried to be understanding and I got understanding back. Mission accomplished.

LOVE.JULIA.

Weeee life.

The past couple weeks have been pretty miraculous, my dad and brother were in town, we enjoyed a trip to Mt. Shasta and met wonderful people, I got to spend me and my dad's birthday together and there were just little things that seemed too perfect to be coincidences.  It was all just pretty magical.  I eased up the reigns on myself and took a few days off physical therapy and had a chance to relax and enjoy myself. So then here it goes...my brother left on the 15th, my dad left on the 17th and now there is chaos. I struggled the day my dad left, feeling like I was some sort of a pit stop in everyone's life.  Someone you see in your spare time before your actual plans, someone you just say hi to when you're on vacation.  Once that's done you go on with your life as you would.  When do I get a vacation?  Where's my day off from having to have someone shove a plastic tube up my pee hole?  Do I get a day where I don't have to go down half a block to get onto a sidewalk because there's only one slope ramp per block? Alright alright so I threw myself a pity party and I know this isn't really the reality of it all but I was feeling down on myself.  At the end of the day I'm only complaining about the things I'm going to live with anyway.
Well the Sunday passed and I had the opportunity of meeting a lady who trains service dogs (which I was prepared to wait on a 2-5year waiting list for).  The thing is, these dogs are hard to come by and by chance I got to meet a lady who has a dog available for me immediately!  My mother, my carer definitely wasn't as excited.  After countless discussion, my reasoning never accomplished to mean anything as a terrible reality of how things MIGHT was developed in her mind. I love this woman to death and don't even have the words to express my awe and gratitude for her love and devotion.  Unfortunately as I've found with anyone who is fixed in their mind, there is no convincing them otherwise.  This was the first time we had flown back in time to when we used to fight all the time (which consists of major guilt tripping on her end and nods of defeat and tears from my end).  I guess I just don't understand how catastrophic adding a service dog to the picture is. I had never objected with what she wanted, avoiding confrontation and unneeded argument. I thought our relationship had improved, and it has but not to the extent I had imagined, as our peace was kept through avoidance and not communication.  For the first time I was truly passionate enough about something that I thought it was worthy of stirring up conflict. Things didn't go as I'd hoped but I'm still open to the possibility of change. Keep you posted.

LOVE.JULIA.