Not so positive..

This won't be a very positive post, but bare with me. Not everything I think of can can be peppy revelations of positivity. Here we go... When your body works, properly, a lot of your movements are automatic. You just DO. On the other hand when your body doesn't do anything you want it to, everything you do takes longer and requires calculation. It also requires the help of another person. This...is frustrating. There's really not much I am capable of that doesn't require all these things. Even something like pulling my shirt down in the bak... I'd go about it by waiting for someone to be available, ask for help, lean forward just enough to still be able to hold my balance and then have that person pull my shirt down for me. If there re things on the ground, I don't just pick them up and clear my way. I have no choice but to accept that I can no longer move along that path. Yes, so I'm feeling rather sorry for myself, but who doesn't every once in a while? When I'm in one of these moods I just can't but notice all the things I can't do... I look at a sign by the elevator that reads "Use stairs in case of fire" and I think "Oh, well hey, I guess in the case of a fire I'll just sit in my chair in a burning building". Or when I go out and look around at people running around, jumping, playing, or even simply putting on a jacket on their own....I'm envious. I just so want to be able to do all those things... Alright, enough of that! A more upbeat should follow. LOVE.JULIA

Thoughts..

Alright, where to begin… if I’d just commit to writing more often I wouldn’t find myself at a complete loss of direction every time I start writing. A lot has happened in the last few months and the last couple weeks have been a haze (but I’m not going to talk about that). Let me just start with the most exciting news of 2012, well it was more the end of 2011, but it’s definitely made my 2012 and the years to come. I have finally…wait for it… got myself a buddy!! A puppy!! Her name is Sky. She’s a jack Russell/ wire fox terrier and she is perfect. She is 7 months at the moment and a complete brat and I love everything about her. I found an ad on the internet and for some reason when I showed my mom she had a completely accepting reaction and told me to go see her! Sky came from a litter of six, but I knew she was the one the moment I met her. Of all the puppies she was the first who tried so intently to climb up my wheelchair. She has gone through some training and can even pick things up for me now. She’s not only my buddy but my helper as well. Having her has given me many opportunities. For one, the guy who is training her does it free of charge and has become a wonderful friend. Secondly, I go out on my own every single day to walk her and it is amazing. I feel so much more confident and independent with her by my side. No matter what sort of stressful day I’ve had, I come home and can’t help but smile when she is so ecstatic to see me that she can’t control herself. Don't worry I’ll attach photos! One of the “major” things that have passed is the 3 year anniversary of my accident. And yes, I am still not where I want to be and am still eager to be independent. This anniversary was not particularly a tough one. It was contemplative… of my situation. Something I’ve continuously been thinking of is the way in which people view me, or people with disabilities (not necessarily negative by the way). Something I hear a lot is “you’re so inspirational”. It’s quite odd being told you’re inspirational when all you are doing is living your life just as you want. I wouldn't be especially “inspirational” if I didn’t have this disability. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, and thank you for those who have told me this in the past, but interesting. I decided to use this view of me as an opportunity… as an advantage. It’s without a doubt that people get discouraged, and I am included among these people. What’s different though, is that people tell me how great I am doing for things that I may not necessarily be told for if I were able bodied. I get a little extra encouragement for my daily actions and I am grateful for that. For everything that I do, I get recognition. I am blessed for this and this gives me extra motivation to do my best… so that I can give myself recognition and believe that I AM inspirational.