Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Breathe. Now breathe a little deeper. Knowing that Julia loves animals, I offer her to bring an animal into the vision of her mind. "Choose your favorite animal", I ask. "One that you really can feel love towards".
Breathing deeply as the image appears and becomes clearer.” Start with the head, and notice every detail of the animal. See the eyes, the fur, and the ears...keep going and really get to know this animal. Then follow the rest of the body. See every bit of the animal. Once the image is clear, once you can feel as if it is right there in front of you, keep it within the mind, maybe between the eyebrows, around the third eye."
Some silence, and time for deepening the image. Really allowing the image to fill up the whole concentration of the mind and all of its space. Dropping into this image, so that all that there exists is this animal. In Julia's case it's horse. As the mind drifts away, we return to horse. And again horse. Seeing it clearly, a sense of love and joy may appear.
Another thought might come in, and we return to horse, just horse. With practice we learn to tap into this deeper experience of concentration and content. Over time the image becomes more and more familiar associated with a good feeling, with calmness and relaxation. The image of the animal makes it easier to return to this state of clam and focus. We learn that just by bringing horse to mind, the signals of centeredness, focus, love ease etc. will be “attached” to the image. The mind will obey and release faster. When a distraction happens in life, we just drop into horse. Now every time the mind is agitated, all we need to do is close the eyes for a moment and return to horse. A sense of allowing, letting horse be, without interruptions.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Time?
Times moving faster than my recovery... Like I'm not keeping up or something.
It's too fast...
LOVE.JULIA.
It's too fast...
LOVE.JULIA.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Once upon a time...
La la lalaaaaaaa. Each day begins and ends with nothing memorable that happens, leaving no recollection of the days gone by. Every so often, though we are hit in the back of the head between the beginning and the end of the day that alters your whole universe. It’s almost like a time bomb whose fuse is a change in our actions and without that change… tick tick tick BOOM.
Prior to my ‘boom’, instability would probably be the best word to describe me and the life I lived, but lets just start at 6 months prior. This was the perfect example of flying in and out of days that have just become a blur. Work, school, work, play, work, school, work, play… a splash of petty female drama here and there and there you’ve got my blur. Life feels meaningless, it’s seizes to be life, but simply existence at this point. Before all this, I spent the summer with confidence; click clacking my high heals all over Tokyo, promoting myself as a model. My future seemed so bright but I lost track and got sucked into the tornado of the busy world. A handful of painkillers were supposed to do the trick but it turned out to be a pathetic attempt that left me with an unaffordable hospital bill. To be honest, if you were to ask me now why I did it, I wouldn't have any satisfying answer. I don't believe there is any explanation that anyone who has thought of death could give that another person would fully understand. No matter how insignificant the reason for the pain may seem, the pain itself is unchangeable.
A couple months of building myself back up took place until that day that altered my whole universe came along on February 28th, 2009. There aren’t many dates I remember. It hasn't been too many years since I remembered the birthdays of my family members. I experienced my own Big Bang that created my universe. Better yet, put me back into the universe. Until then, I fought the universe and it’s vibration of love, which I have been knocked right back into.
Will be continued…
LOVE.JULIA.
Prior to my ‘boom’, instability would probably be the best word to describe me and the life I lived, but lets just start at 6 months prior. This was the perfect example of flying in and out of days that have just become a blur. Work, school, work, play, work, school, work, play… a splash of petty female drama here and there and there you’ve got my blur. Life feels meaningless, it’s seizes to be life, but simply existence at this point. Before all this, I spent the summer with confidence; click clacking my high heals all over Tokyo, promoting myself as a model. My future seemed so bright but I lost track and got sucked into the tornado of the busy world. A handful of painkillers were supposed to do the trick but it turned out to be a pathetic attempt that left me with an unaffordable hospital bill. To be honest, if you were to ask me now why I did it, I wouldn't have any satisfying answer. I don't believe there is any explanation that anyone who has thought of death could give that another person would fully understand. No matter how insignificant the reason for the pain may seem, the pain itself is unchangeable.
A couple months of building myself back up took place until that day that altered my whole universe came along on February 28th, 2009. There aren’t many dates I remember. It hasn't been too many years since I remembered the birthdays of my family members. I experienced my own Big Bang that created my universe. Better yet, put me back into the universe. Until then, I fought the universe and it’s vibration of love, which I have been knocked right back into.
Will be continued…
LOVE.JULIA.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I am my own disaster, as much as I am my own masterpiece.
I originally thought to write to release some anger and throw a pity party for myself… I woke up this morning feeling hopeless. I have days like this where I lay in bed waiting to be seated in my electric wheelchair, imagining, wishing I could get up and get on with my day at my own will. But of course I, with the weight of my motionless body am left staring at the textured ceiling I become so familiar with. “Why must I endure a life of total dependency?” is one of the many thoughts that race through my mind.
Then, I am subtly reminded of the blessings in my life as my mother greets me, ready to take on another day of assisting me. I have a mother who has left behind her life in Japan without a moment of hesitation to devote her life to be my arms and legs for as long as I need her.
I must take this as a gift, a gift of time with my mother I had neglected all these years. I have been given an opportunity to create an unbreakable bond with the woman who gave me life. We are now both fighting for this life.
Yes, this is not the life I dreamed of, nor is it hers or anyone else’s for that matter, but this is the challenge that we have been faced with. We are left with no choice but to strive. We are our own disaster as much as we are our own masterpiece. Lets not dwell on the things we have been given no choice for… our minds are our own, how will you choose to feed it?
Happy Mother’s Day.
LOVE.JULIA.
Then, I am subtly reminded of the blessings in my life as my mother greets me, ready to take on another day of assisting me. I have a mother who has left behind her life in Japan without a moment of hesitation to devote her life to be my arms and legs for as long as I need her.
I must take this as a gift, a gift of time with my mother I had neglected all these years. I have been given an opportunity to create an unbreakable bond with the woman who gave me life. We are now both fighting for this life.
Yes, this is not the life I dreamed of, nor is it hers or anyone else’s for that matter, but this is the challenge that we have been faced with. We are left with no choice but to strive. We are our own disaster as much as we are our own masterpiece. Lets not dwell on the things we have been given no choice for… our minds are our own, how will you choose to feed it?
Happy Mother’s Day.
LOVE.JULIA.
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