Gratitude..

Life worth living, is something I’ve been repeatedly asking myself since I saw Doron Friday morning… I haven’t quite found the answer. I’m trying to find that reason that doesn't include “for ____”. It’s easy to say your life is for someone, but what makes you live for you? How can you be truly happy if you haven’t found that? I think that’s a link I’m missing to my progress. I can think of plenty of people I live for and I merely find tactics to cope with life.
How was Siddhartha so sure of himself and still able to get off track? Left with no sense of purpose.
Gratitude…if we are dead, does that even matter any more? Gratitude is a feeling right? Which means it comes from our mind? Does that mean it dies when our body dies?

What do people live for? That’s not work, family, friends, their car or anything materialistic for that matter? What is their purpose? I mean, their true purpose, one that their mind hasn't assigned to them.

Walking wont give a reason to live. Why do I want it so badly? Why do I want to be independent so badly? What is the attachment? The thing is, none of this REALLY matters. No matter how much emphasis I put on these things, my now doesn't change. I am still paralyzed. I am still dependent. I don't know that it is going to stay this way, but it is my now.

I’m not inspiration. I do what I have been given the opportunity to do. This is how I show my gratitude.

Maybe a life worth living is just a life you can be grateful for. I mean, why wouldn't you want to live if you felt grateful for everything you had?


[[this next paragraph was something i wrote maybe a week ago-- shows that without the practice of this awareness, one can become easily lost]]

!! I had a flash of clarity today.
We’ve often spoken about appreciating everything you have, right now, gratitude for it all. I understood this, I understand it. Directly related to this, though is no expectation! Our fault is when we are so used to something that we expect it to always be there and when we lose it, our lives are disturbed. It truly is about gratitude! When a faucet is turned on, we expect water to flow, but it’s not SUPPOSED to flow, it’s been perfectly designed to do this for our convenience. Aaaaaaaa, a sigh of relief.


LOVE.JULIA.

you.me.love.

People judge. I judge. I judge the people who judge. I judge them for judging. I sit there and contemplate why they are being so judgmental, but I then I move myself to a cloud above and see I am doing the same thing in which I am associating negativity with.


It’s all about compassion. When we’re faced with someone who is passionate about a feeling they have, why fill yourself with negativity by being disagreeable? Being understanding is one of the biggest challenges. We tend to take things so personally and get upset—let me tell you it’s not worth it. ‘Cause really, why are you so upset? Why is it so important?

---


Maybe I don't get so passionately upset because I don't get passionately happy. I strive to be happy with me. Not with celebrities, sports teams or writers; these are not me. I am not trying to be anyone. I don't want people to be me. I don't want anyone to follow. I am not a leader. I'm not looking for power. I'm not trying to influence anyone. We are all just beings of love.

jumbled words.

Blank…
I’m actually brought here to this page in slight chaos… don't get me wrong, there have been no mishaps, no tragedies, just every day come and gone. Not happy, but that doesn't make me sad. Not excited, but not bummed. I just am… just here… just me. I’m not quite sure what that means but it’s made me more aware. When I put it like this it sounds so… general? I guess I’ve been given a prescription for my eyes to see our reality in clarity.

I’m really struggling to get this concept across.

We are so diverse. There are people consumed in the world of materialism while there are people who think they’re above it all and think they are saving the world by driving a Prius. There is the confident, the weak, the cruel, the kind, but that’s not even the point really… when all is said and done, these are all just words we have created to describe whatever it may be. We’ve associated everything with good, bad, pretty, ugly and on and on. Really, what are we doing? If these can just be left as words and not emotionally charged words we’d be set. Here we are getting upset over things because of the associations we’ve made with them.

Bleh… what do I know anyway? I’m just trying to get through this life in one piece.

LOVE.JULIA.