Gratitude..

Life worth living, is something I’ve been repeatedly asking myself since I saw Doron Friday morning… I haven’t quite found the answer. I’m trying to find that reason that doesn't include “for ____”. It’s easy to say your life is for someone, but what makes you live for you? How can you be truly happy if you haven’t found that? I think that’s a link I’m missing to my progress. I can think of plenty of people I live for and I merely find tactics to cope with life.
How was Siddhartha so sure of himself and still able to get off track? Left with no sense of purpose.
Gratitude…if we are dead, does that even matter any more? Gratitude is a feeling right? Which means it comes from our mind? Does that mean it dies when our body dies?

What do people live for? That’s not work, family, friends, their car or anything materialistic for that matter? What is their purpose? I mean, their true purpose, one that their mind hasn't assigned to them.

Walking wont give a reason to live. Why do I want it so badly? Why do I want to be independent so badly? What is the attachment? The thing is, none of this REALLY matters. No matter how much emphasis I put on these things, my now doesn't change. I am still paralyzed. I am still dependent. I don't know that it is going to stay this way, but it is my now.

I’m not inspiration. I do what I have been given the opportunity to do. This is how I show my gratitude.

Maybe a life worth living is just a life you can be grateful for. I mean, why wouldn't you want to live if you felt grateful for everything you had?


[[this next paragraph was something i wrote maybe a week ago-- shows that without the practice of this awareness, one can become easily lost]]

!! I had a flash of clarity today.
We’ve often spoken about appreciating everything you have, right now, gratitude for it all. I understood this, I understand it. Directly related to this, though is no expectation! Our fault is when we are so used to something that we expect it to always be there and when we lose it, our lives are disturbed. It truly is about gratitude! When a faucet is turned on, we expect water to flow, but it’s not SUPPOSED to flow, it’s been perfectly designed to do this for our convenience. Aaaaaaaa, a sigh of relief.


LOVE.JULIA.